


memories of sunshine

by kumaa_kun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Fluff, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Memory Loss, Memory Related, Romance, Short
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29190066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumaa_kun/pseuds/kumaa_kun
Summary: kageyama is lost. lost in the eyes of someone he no longer recognizes. without any remembrance of himself, hinata is a mere fragment of who he once was. kageyama is alone again.upon hinata’s fateful return to japan from brazil, he gets into a serious accident. he slips into a coma. when he wakes up, his memories are gone.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. light and darkness

You and I are two different souls. Existing on two different wavelengths of life, we move at our own pace. We are light and darkness, eternal. But light cannot exist without darkness, like darkness cannot exist without light. Whether we are oceans or centimeters apart, we will always be connected like the stars that make up a constellation. You are the tie that binds us, so please. Please, wake up. 

My eyes turn to Hinata, his orange hair messily arranged. His eyes are finally open. His brown eyes overflow with sunlight stinging my skin. “Hinata,” I blanket my hands around his. His hands are the cold of an unknown ocean when its waves first meet the edges of your skin.  
His expression has changed.  
“Hinata, do you know where you are?” The doctor beside me asks.  
He looks around, his face devoid of color, gray and lifeless. “A hospital, I think.”  
“Do you know why you are here?”  
“No, I don’t remember.”  
“Do you know this young man right here?” He inquires, gesturing towards me.  
He pauses. His pause encompasses hours and is condensed into a second-long hesitation, “I don’t think I do.”  
The world slips from my grasp, I feel its intense weight collapsing onto me. My vision melts into blurs. Everything perishes and abandons me. The only thing that lingers are his words, simple and frightening. I am alone once again.  
“Kageyama, it appears Hinata suffered some memory loss during the car crash. I’m going to call some diagnostic tests, it won’t take long…”  
His words are drowned by the ambush of five others. “I don’t think I do.” The words assault me. Reminding me before him, I was alone. Without him, I am still alone.  
The doctor exits the room,I release a slight chuckle, “The joke isn’t funny, dumbass. I saw right through you.”  
He looks at me blankly. He is nothing but a stranger with the face of Hinata, his gaze caging me in silence.  
“It’s me! Kageyama! Your boyfriend!”  
“You’re my boyfriend?”  
“Yes! Of course I am, dumbass!” Hot tears prick my eyes.  
“I’m sorry… I just… don’t really remember anything.” 

“Kageyama, the test results came back. I’m afraid Hinata has retrograde amnesia. However, recovering his memories isn’t impossible. Through exposing himself to his normal daily life, as well as therapy, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle it is possible for him to regain the majority of his memories.”  
“Alright.”  
“I take it you were a major part of Hinata’s life, Kageyama. Spend time with him when you’re able.”  
Stop talking about him like he’s dead. He’s right in front of me. His messy nest of hair resting atop his head like a crown of fire. His eyes, wide and full of opportunity. His skin holding that same twinge of golden, an iridescent glow, radiating sunshine. Yet, he isn’t Hinata. He is Hinata in the way that my faint reflection on a puddle is me. It stares at me with no recollection of anything. The colors of my skin dulled by the muddied water.  
As the doctor finally exits once again, I watch Hinata trace the indents of his palms and the outlines of his own hands with a slow curiosity.  
“Do you remember who you are?”  
“A bit. I don’t remember what I’m like with other people, though.”  
I pause, I’ve never been good with words, but with you they’ve always fallen out so naturally, but now, they can’t find their voice again. “You’re light.”  
“Like what?”  
“Like the sun.”  
The sun, creating intricate shadow silhouettes against the ground, battling darkness and all that encompasses it. You will always be light, the sun. I will always be darkness. Our existence is eternal. Yet, how can darkness exist without light, and how can you be light when you barely remember who you are?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my first fanfic i’ve posted on ao3 woot woot. um anyways i hope u enjoyed the first part. i’m not a very good writer, so i’m just doing this to kinda practice my writing skills haha. lemme know if u have any suggestions!! <33


	2. ghost

Time, just like many things, falls through my fingertips. Sometimes, hours feel like seconds, and other times seconds feel like hours as I watch everything like a dark stream of smoke slowly seeping through the crevice of everything.  
When Hinata is finally released from the hospital, I watch the sun loom over the sharp curves of the hills, slowly descending. The blue hues of the sky gradually fade into deep purples, allowing stars to pierce through with their luminosity.  
“Are you sure I need to be in a wheelchair? Most of my injuries have healed.”  
“Yeah. It’s just for extra precaution.”  
The wheelchair rolls over the many fractures within the sidewalk pavement, delicately ignoring its existence. Pink rains from black branches, clinging to the first days of spring that envelop us. Spring is filled with memories. Memories that Hinata may never visit again.  
“How did you and I start dating?”  
“It’s a long story.”  
“I’d like to hear it.”  
“Well, um, we met because of volleyball. At first, you and I hated each other. We had a really hard time cooperating and being teammates. It was kind of forced, at first, but it changed pretty quickly.”  
“How did we change from hating each other to being teammates?”  
“I’m egotistical and demanding, so in middle school, well, my teammates left me. I was alone. But you, you were there for me. You were there. You even taught me that it’s okay that I’m a demanding and egocentric king.”  
“I sound pretty great.”  
“I guess.”  
Now, Hinata is constantly thinking. His string of words never feel the same as they used to. The words he does vocalize are usually muffled by his intense periods of silence. This is one of them.  
“I don’t think I’ll ever be that same person, Kageyama.”  
I don’t respond. The howling wind hits my back and sends a shiver across my spine. “Where are we going?” He asks.  
“To talk with your family. More importantly, your sister.”  
“I have a sister?”  
“Yes. So, don’t be surprised if she hugs you or something. Ok, dumbass?”  
He nods quietly. 

As we near Hinata’s home, an eerie gush of wind blows beside me. This area is ghostly, it is reminders and memories, nostalgic magic that is forever lost to the ocean of time that moves on.  
Despite the absence of light, their yard still screams with colors of flowers. Purple hydrangeas, yellow daffodils, pink tulips, peonies, and poppies flutter against the cool wind. Their colors blend cohesively and beautifully.  
Hinata’s mom welcomes us in, I greet her then take off my shoes before entering. Their home is the same as it was years ago, bombarding me with memories.  
“Shoyo!” Natsu smiles, she runs towards Hinata and gives him a hug. “I heard about what happened from Kageyama. If you need anything, mom and I will always be here to support you!”  
Hinata pauses, his already reserved demeanor has become even quieter, mirroring the atmosphere of the silence of early mornings. He stands still, like a statue made of stone. “Natsu?”  
Natsu’s expression changes. “You remember me?” Her face is lined with excitement, gleaming gold and shimmer.  
“Well, uh, just a little,” he smiles. This is the first time I’ve seen him smile since the accident. I watch rays of sunshine stream through his smile, it adorns his incandescent skin. Dimples form at the sides of his cheeks, while his eyes hold a soft glow. I should be happy. This is a sign of hope. Piece by piece, his memory will come back. Yet, I’m envious. The slight smile I had painted on my face, slowly decays. Everything feels numb again. The ground shakes and terrorizes me, once again I am strangled by a single thought: Why couldn’t he have remembered me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls give suggestions if you have any! i’ll appreciate it! :)
> 
> i’m not good at titling chapters or anything in general, but my idea for naming this chapter was bc hinata is still kind of a ghost in kageyama’s eyes & i referenced hinata’s old neighborhood feeling ghostly so i felt like it kinda fit.


	3. apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just in case it’s confusing.. this takes place after hinata and kageyama left hinata’s house.
> 
> ok.. enjoy!!

The nighttime breeze is vague and uncertain, just like Hinata. Before, these empty spaces of time would be filled by Hinata. Even when he is completely incoherent and incomprehensible, his words are light.  
“Kageyama, can I ask you something?”  
“Sure.”  
He turns his head to face me and asks, “Not to be offensive, but why did I decide to date you?”  
“Not to offend you, but why did I decide to date you?” His eyes were empty, trapped in an endless abyss.  
I knot my eyebrows in confusion, “Huh?”  
“I mean when you were talking about us, you kind of just said stuff about me, and how I helped you out. Nothing really about what you did.”  
I paused, “Yeah, I don’t really know either why you like me.”  
“So where are we going now?”  
“My apartment.” 

My apartment, outlined with dust and muted colors. Faded sunlight seeps through the window blinds, while everything sits quietly, neatly arranged. My bed forever allures me with its mystical ambience. I flop onto my bed, and I quickly melt into the warmth of the sheets and I finally feel myself relax. I bury my face into my pillows and attempt to lull myself to sleep. “Kageyama.”  
“What?”  
“Can I tell you something?”  
“Later, I need to sleep, it’s late already.”  
“Oh, okay.”  
I need to sleep. However, attempting to hypnotize myself into a state of rest is difficult, when my mind is being suffocated by a singular thing: you. Worry overflows my mind’s ability to calm down.  
“I think you’re asleep, Kageyama, but I don’t think I will know how to tell you this when you’re awake,” I open my eyes and turn my head slightly to face him. His back is facing towards me, “I’m… I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I can’t remember you. I’m trying, I promise I am. I’m sorry that I’m causing such a hassle for you. But most of all, I’m sorry I can’t fulfill the seat of the person you really love, Kageyama. I barely remember anything, and now you must feel really… alone without me. I’m not the Hinata you love. I’m here physically, but really, I’m just a totally blank canvas. I’m pointless.”  
“You aren’t pointless, Hinata.”  
“Wait you’re awake?” He stuttered, turning towards me.  
“Nothing would be the same if you didn’t exist. I’m sure wouldn’t be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that this chapter is shorter than usual, i’ll try to make it longer next time. (also once again i had trouble with naming this chapter lol) anyways i hope you enjoyed it :)


	4. volleyball

Even though he has finally lost the need for a wheelchair, Hinata sits at the edge of my bed, staring at the ceiling. I bury my face in the softness of my pillow.   
“Do you want to do something?” Hinata asks suddenly.  
“Why?”   
“I mean you must be bored just taking care of me and visiting my family’s house everyday. Let’s do something that you want to do.”   
“There’s nothing that I want to do.”   
“Okay… can we watch volleyball together?”   
“You want to do that?”  
“Well, volleyball is the only thing I know about you. And you like it, right?”  
“Yeah, I do.”  
“So, are there any volleyball games on TV we can watch?”   
“Actually, there’s a pretty big tournament going on right about now.” 

The stadium roars with the smell of Icy Hot spray, clusters of people bustle to the rhythm of volleyballs slicing through the air. This place will forever fill me with excitement.   
“The high school spring tournament?”   
“Yeah.”  
We watch the game directly in front of us. Each play is carried out with violent speed, with occasional interruptions in the momentum. I watch Hinata try to keep up with the intensity. The volleyball brushes against the blocker’s fingertips, and lands behind the defenders, outside the boundary line. The referee signals that the blockers touched it.   
“What is that guy doing?” Hinata asks, gesturing towards the referee.   
“He’s saying that the blockers touched the ball before it landed out-of-bounds,” I tell him, mimicking the signal.   
Throughout the game, Hinata spews out questions. Suddenly, the team’s libero dives towards a spiked ball. He receives it effortlessly. “Woah! That ball looked like a missle! People can really pick those up?”   
“Yeah. That libero is one of the best in the nation,” I respond.   
“So… why did you quit volleyball?”   
“Huh?”  
“I mean it’s obvious you still like it. Your eyes fill up with stars as you watch them play. It’s like you’re analyzing everything you see.”   
“Well, I am still playing professionally. I’m just taking a break.”   
“Why?” He asks.   
“It’s just to take care of you.”  
“But don’t you like volleyball?”  
“I love it,” I corrected him.   
“Then go back to playing! You don’t have to stop doing something you love just to take care of me!” I cut him off.   
“I’m okay with taking care of you.”  
“Why?!”   
“You’re important to me, dumbass” I bite my tongue, I feel my cheeks turn red, “I… didn’t mean to say that out loud,” I fluster.  
Hinata laughs. The sturdy wall of tension that had been built between us over the past few weeks crumbles to dust. My heart roars like thunder battling against the darkness of the open sea. Earthquakes rush through my limbs as your sunlight passes through me. You possess a laugh that echoes through the darkness, creating a blaze of light, one that makes the songbirds listen and marvel. You were always truly magical, you are one of the few things that make me smile.   
He lets out a few final chuckles before saying, “You sure can be funny when you don’t mean to be.”   
We watch them play more. The ball zips from one end of the court to another, carrying out tireless amounts of energy, rarely resulting in a score for either team. Within the loud roar of the stadium are sprinkles of questions from Hinata as he tries to follow the game.   
You say my eyes fill with stars as I watch them play, but as I look at you, your eyes are filled with an entire galaxy. Meticulously trying to piece together the information that is displayed in front of you. 

The game ends in a crushing defeat for the team in front of us. Both teams thank the spectators within the stands. Hinata stands as he claps for them, small droplets of tears forming at the corner of his eyes. Once both teams leave the courts, Hinata finally sits back into his seat. A wave of silence emerges between us, but the silence no longer feels awkward like it was days ago. The silence is filled by a feeling of tranquility.   
“That was so much fun!” Hinata exclaims, his eyes twinkle as he requests to watch another match.   
“Are you sure you want to?”  
He nods.   
We watched two more matches. Afterwards, we walk home. Our footsteps synchronize under the late noon sun, as Hinata watches his feet as though he is treading across shards of glass across the concrete. Daffodils sitting on the sides of the concrete soak in concrete, as cherry blossoms rest on asphalt, flattened by footsteps and car tracks. “Thank you for taking me there,” he finally says, a small grin sits across his cheeks in gratitude, “You didn’t have to.”   
“Of course I did,” I tangle my hand in his mess of hair. He stands still for a moment before saying, “I wish I could play volleyball again.”  
“Why don’t we?”


	5. colors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just in case if it’s confusing, this is in the pov of hinata :)

“Thank you for taking me there” I muster the courage to say, “You didn’t have to.” You never had to do anything for me, yet you do so much. I’m a blank canvas, I’m devoid of any memories of you and our relationship. Entirely blank. Devoid of any purpose or passion in life.  
Your eyes overflow with your passion for volleyball, the luminescence of stars lining them. They glitter with purpose. Yet, you’re here. You’re here with someone who is a murky, meaningless reflection of the person you once loved. I should be a nobody to you. A stranger.  
“Of course I did,” Kageyama ruffles his hand in my hair.  
I wish I could get my memories back. I wish I could know why I’m so special to you. I wish I could have a passion, “I wish I could play volleyball again,” I accidentally say aloud.  
“Why don’t we?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I have a volleyball. We can just toss it around.”  
“Oh, I wouldn’t be any good at that.”  
“It’s easy.” 

In the courtyard of Kageyama’s apartment complex, Kageyama throws a volleyball into the air. The ball bounces off his fingertips in a split second, making a path in the air perfectly towards me. I attempt to mimic what he did, but the ball only makes half the journey. Kageyama walks to meet the ball.  
I see a flash of Kageyama, his blueberry eyes staring directly into mine. He looks younger. A memory.  
“Hinata!” Kageyama yells.  
I regain focus before the ball falls to the concrete. Thorns grow within the crevices of the ground, puncturing my feet. The sharp pain releases and regrows in a natural rhythm. “I need to sit down.”  
“Do you feel sick?” He asks, walking towards me.  
I shake my head.  
There he is again. Younger. An unknown smile stretched across his face. Before I can analyze a fraction of the details, the image decays. Why can’t I remember? Why can’t I remember? Why can’t I remember?  
“Let’s go back inside,” Kageyama says.

I lean against the simple ruffles of Kageyama’s silk sheets as I sit on the edge of his bed. There isn’t a lot I know about Kageyama; he remains a blurred mystery to me. However, there is a lot I want to know.  
He keeps a tidy home, but I always find myself staring back at the ceiling. I recognize the intricate swirls and textures of the wood, as well as the deep stained brown. It is the only memory I have of Kageyama. It is the only familiarity in a world made of silhouettes of what I used to know. The ceiling, my hands, and the singular glimpse of Kageyama’s face. I clutch onto the things I recognize, it is the only hope I have of ever regaining my memories.  
Before I fall asleep, my eyes begin to feel heavy as the dim light of the sun seeping through Kageyama’s window blinds disappear and darkness envelops the sky. Nightmares chase me. Faces I do not recognize haunt me, blocking my vision. They whisper unfamiliar words, they wrap around and suffocate me. I run towards nothingness. They hunt for me in the emptiness. Their whispers of words slowly evolve into screams. I jolt up, hyperventilating. It was only a nightmare. As if on cue, Kageyama sits up, he rubs his eyes.  
“Sorry, I woke you up. It was just a nightmare. You can go back to bed.”  
“Do you want to go for a stroll?”  
“Isn’t it midnight?”  
“It helps nightmares.” 

He guides me to the bench in the courtyard of his apartment. I drag my feet across the smooth concrete, trailing my path steadily. The nighttime is completely silent and frightening. It is filled with unfamiliarity and reticence, “Can you talk to me?”  
“What for?”  
“It’s too quiet.”  
Kageyama speaks to me groggily, half asleep. He talks about me, our friends, his family, and volleyball. He loves volleyball. He has always loved volleyball since the beginning of time.  
Your midnight black bangs frame your face, mirroring the midnight sky above us, Ursa Major and Minor swooning at your perfect existence. Why do you treat me like this? Why would you stop doing something you love so much just for me? I’m just a blank canvas, while you are an orchestra of endless color creating a masterpiece. “I don’t deserve any of this. I’m not the person you really love.”  
Kageyama pauses, and I worry that I’ve ruined everything.  
“Of course you are, you’re Hinata aren’t you?”  
Suddenly the world feels whole again. Kageyama stops speaking, but the silence of the night is no longer frightening. The faint winds that brush past my skin provide comfort.  
Kageyama has fallen asleep. His head is leaning against my shoulder. I place his hand on mine and slowly trace the indents of his soft palms and the outlines of his hands. I continue to trace and trace them, hoping to uncover some sort of memory. Nothing. I wish I could remember you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven’t updated in a while..... school do be stressful


End file.
